Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Waiting is the Hardest...
My uncle won the argument.
He wanted Mamo to get dialysis. And so the doctor said "Okay" and Mamo was subsequently transported via ambulance to a large hospital 30 miles away.
When Mamo arrived, the receiving doctor was aghast. His exact words were: "The transferring doctor misled me about the dire nature of her condition. I had no idea she was this unstable. She has so few platelets that we cannot risk putting a dialysis shunt in as she might bleed to death. We cannot give her platelets because she is retaining so much fluid that the platelets infusion would worsen that condition--- and her lungs are already filling up, placing her at risk of drowning in her own fluids. And it may be useless to give her diuretics to drain off the fluid since her kidneys have failed. And her blood pressure is dangerously low to boot."
Mamo threw up while they were wheeling her around on the guerney.
And all of our hearts are breaking that she has to be put through this....
I am so angry that it is difficult for me to speak to my uncle. I cannot even look at him.
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4 comments:
I can understand your anger. But you also need to realize that your uncle probably panicked - at the thot of the guilt he would feel if he didnt do "everything" possible...very common at the end. Especially with people who have no clear understanding of the process of dying. And if he has any feelings of "shouldas" involved with him and your Mamo...well, it just intensifies that feeling of doing 'everything". Try and let it go Bo and understand he wasnt doing it out of spite or meanness - it is the essential part of males that they want to 'fix' everything - even when women understand that this is just how it is. Males and females face these issues so differently - men are wired to fix things...women to love and cherish and offer comfort.
Hugs to you all.
I second everything Danielle said. Men seem to want to "make it work, whatever it takes", while women gently appreciate its usefulness & retire it carefully to a place of honor. I can't believe Mamo's dr. even allowed this to happen, but I'm sure he didn't want to be in the position of not doing "everything" he could to help her, even if it was fruitless. Poor lady. Poor family. I pray that all this helps your uncle realize that all he & the rest of the family can do is support her feelings & body comfortably & allow her to feel your love around her. I'd be angry too, but try to feel his desperation, then go ahead & allow yourself to feel the peace & love that you shared with this wonderful lady instead. We love you, we pray for your situation and we want you to take care of yourself too. Go gentle, Bo, with our hugs & our prayers.
Danielle said it very well, so all I'll add is that I'm thinking of you and your family right now. Stay strong.
You know...forgive...he did not understand what this would do to your grandmother. too much failing of not doing enough. The pain of her leaving is all he could feel. God bless her with peace....
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