As We All Gather Together....

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Gradually, much of the extended family has arrived here in the swampland of Louisiana, and we sit for hours and hours by Mamo's bedside....her deathbed. The few times Mamo has been able to converse, she talked of Indian things---perhaps remembering her parents, especially her half-French/ half-Indian mother...

At first, everybody pretty much got along with each other. But now things have changed...

My uncle has suddenly changed his attitude around 360 degrees.

When Mamo first went into renal failure, he stated that he would not consider dialysis, as it is very rough on a person's body and she is 90 years old. Mamo is bedridden, so weak that she is unable to turn herself in bed or even hold an object in her hand, her body is swelling up with retained fluids, and she is sleeping most of the time--- but, nevertheless, she states that she is not in any pain or discomfort.

The doctor said that as her creatinine lab value goes up, she will sleep more and more--- and that she will, at some point, simply "go to sleep" and pass away peacefully. And both of Mamo's doctors have stressed the need for hospice care.

But suddenly my uncle is desperate and grasping at straws---and he is pressuring the doctors to send her to a nearby town's hospital, which is bigger and has kidney specialists, nephrologists. He states that he wants Mamo to begin dialysis--- so that he can "keep her alive longer".

No matter how much you tell my uncle that the stress of dialysis will change Mamo's present status from being pain-free and comfortable to that of the extreme fatigue and pain which a dialysis regimen would cause, he simply will not listen.

He even lost his temper and "had words" with my mother, the only voice of reason in the room. My mother wants Mamo to die painfree and comfortable--- not in the trauma of dialysis, which will not reverse her terminal condition but only prolong the inevitable by a few days or a month or two.

My mother and uncle's other sister is right in the middle of the fray, and is not helping much. Every time there's an uncomfortable moment, her usual response is: "I need another Ativan....."

I'm praying a lot. I pray that Mamo passes away without suffering. And I pray that I can be of maximum help to my beautiful mother as she goes through this horrible time.