The LYS Who Shall Not Be Named...

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Okay, I am irked. And you tell me if I was out of line.....

I'm on a Kauni kick and I want to take some with me on my trip to Texas & Louisiana. I want to start another cardigan, in a completely different color scheme than the one I just finished. And although I have plenty of the EQ (the multi-colored colorway), I want to use a completely different colorway--- for a completely different type cardigan. Since I have a lot of the color ET, the purple/black/grey one, I decided on that. But I wasn't sure I had enough.

There's a local LYS near here, in Olathe, and they are the only one of the three LYS's in this area that carries Kauni, albeit their stock of colors is limited. So I went down there to look for what I needed. The reason I knew they had Kauni is that I had bought some of the EQ there recently on a yarn-petting venture.

So I went back to them, looking for the ET color. They didn't have any ET, but they did have a couple of skeins of a similar colorway, one which is black/light gray/dark gray. So I grabbed a skein of that, intending to use it for the cardigan's ribbing, buttonbands, and collar.

And then, once I got home, I got to thinking--- like I usually do when I get home from an LYS---and I decided I wanted one more skein of the yarn for "insurance", to ensure, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'd have enough yarn to finish the sweater. I frequently buy too much yarn for my projects but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry, right? And I knew that the LYS had one more skein of that colorway.

And I felt a little urgent about it since there was only one more skein of that color left at the LYS; thus, I wanted to hurry up and grab that skein before it was bought by somebody else. And furthermore, I remembered that Blaine was going down that way in a little while to take his niece to a volleyball game. So I decided I would ask him to stop by the LYS to pick up the skein.

And here is where I made my first mistake.

I called the LYS.

When a lady answered, I asked if she would set aside that particular skein of the Kauni for me, while explaining that I would send Blaine to get it. She said okay.

Then..... I made my second mistake.

I realized that, having been to that LYS recently, buying yarn that Blaine knew nothing about--- (I had hidden it in the Magical Closet)--- that if Blaine went there he might.... er... find out about the fact that I had been there recently buying bunches of yarn that he knew nothing about. And Blaine tends to harp loudly and endlessly about how I have "too much yarn" and that I "waste entirely too much money" on adding to my ever-growing stash--- and I really wanted to avoid such soliloquies....

Ergo.... I didn't want the LYS to blow my cover. Surely you can see what I mean? One wrong word to Blaine in there and the jig would be up. I wanted Blaine to think that the yarn skein he was picking up for me was just a lone skein that I needed to finish a project--- and not part of a greater Kauni conspiracy.

So I jokingly requested the following of the lady who answered the phone:

"Hey... uh.... I know this sounds crazy... but... uh... when Blaine comes in there to pick up that skein of Kauni, could you.... uh.... heh....could you kind of NOT mention to him that I've been in there lately, buying some other Kauni yarn?"

And then there was a long, silent pause on the other end of the phone.

I wondered if the lady had accidentally hung up the phone.

So I repeated myself.

"Um... you know.... it's just that he nags me a lot about buying too much yarn, ya know what I mean? And ...uh.... I sometimes buy yarn and .... and.... I hide it. You know the score... where you hide the yarn somewhere and just pull it out later--- like it's been there all along? And then he's none the wiser, thinking the yarn was old yarn? You know?.... huh?....you know what I mean?"

But the blasted woman STILL wouldn't say anything!

"Are you still there?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm here," she replied in a snotty voice. "But if he asks me straight out, I am NOT going to lie to him."

WHAT THE HELL?????

What kind of sanctimonious idgit was this? Is she mad? Doesn't she know that approximately 45% of yarn sales in the United States of America are bought on the sly--- hidden from husbands who nag a woman about buying too much yarn? Hell, a hateful turncoat like her could ruin it for the rest of us stealth-yarn-buyers!

And for crying out loud, all I meant was for her to NOT OFFER the information that I'd been there recently. It wasn't like I was asking her to lie under oath, under penalty of perjury, to a Clinton-esqe Congressional Impeachment Hearing, if you know what I mean.

("No, Your Honors, I did not sell yarn to THAT WOMAN!!)

I was so mad that I decided to take the bull by the horn.

I hopped into the pickup truck and blasted my way down to see this stupid, traitor LYS woman, completely forgetting that I was wearing sloppy, raggedy sweat pants and a "Hooters" sweatshirt. When I arrived at the LYS I strode in, picked up the skein of Kauni, and then went to pay. There was a smiling lady at the cash register.

"Are you the lady I spoke to on the phone about the Kauni?" I asked.

"Um.... no....it was somebody else," she replied, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Well then, let me tell you that she was entirely RUDE to me," I exclaimed. "And because of her I don't think I'm ever coming back here!"

And then the lady lowered her voice, obviously in an attempt to keep a group of nearby employees from hearing (but I know they heard anyway), and she replied, very sincerely: "Truly.... I am sooooo sorry about that...."

So I paid for my Kauni and politely bid her goodbye.

(I was hoping she'd say something else so I could yell: "I SAID GOODBYE!" a la Fez in the TV show "That 70's Show" , but she didn't.)

(But I have always wanted to use that line....)

Well.... so now I can't go back there because I threatened to never go back because of that rude woman. I don't care. I can order any color and any amount of Kauni anytime I want from Astrid, although I'd have to pay shipping for it, which is kind of a downer but I'll sacrifice. And for all other kinds of yarns there are two way better LYS's around here that have a much wider selection of all other yarns--- and nicer employees.

So HHHMPH on her!

Hey.....I've got an idea! Remember that "Seinfeld" episode where Elaine was treated rudely in a store? She then went to a rival store, bought a bunch of their stuff, and then went back to the original store and pranced around outside their windows, holding up all the stuff she bought, in order to gloat to them about how much money they "lost" by irritating her.

So that's it! I'll go to Yarn Barn in Lawrence, buy a bunch of Cascade 220, and then return to the Olathe LYS where I'll wave all the Cascade 220 over my head in front of their windows, yelling taunting epithets like: "See how much yarn I bought from a NICE LYS? See how much business you lost, Rude Woman? A pox on you!!"

No?

Well, it was just a thought....

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All Things Great And Small....

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The day was very cold. It had snowed in the night, but in the morning the temperature rose to just above freezing. And so the snow melted. But although the snow had gone away, it was still chillingly cold outside. A good knitting day....

And then I saw the neighbor cat at the window.

I felt sorry for the cat because it was so dang cold outside. It was cold enough so that, even with our thermostat set at 70 degrees F., there were still icy drafts in the house which made me shiver and put on an extra pair of thick house socks.

As the little cat sat on the window ledge, looking at me through the window, my heart was disturbed because I knew the little thing was probably very cold. And I simply couldn't understand why the cat's owners would leave it ouside in that weather. So I went out on the front porch to comfort it, and it looked at me so sweetly--- and so forlornly. When I went back inside the poor thing tried to get into the front door with me. And that convinced me that the cat wanted to come out of the cold and into the warmth of the house.... any house.

And the little cat looked hungry....

And let me tell you---I cannot bear to see any animal in distress or suffering. I can't abide it. It hurts my heart. And so I really couldn't stand the fact that this pretty, sad looking little cat was cold and hungry, and was clinging to the ledge of our window in order to stare, pitiously, at myself, Little Baby, and Leonard--- inside our warm house.

Suddenly I decided to remedy the hunger situation. So I got the container of tuna fish out of the refrigerator---the container which holds Leonard's and Little Baby's tuna fish. And I gave a big plate of it to this neighbor cat. And he (or she) was so hungry that he practically inhaled it---and then licked the plate over and over to get every last little drop!

I know, I know, you're not supposed to feed somebody else's cat because then it will keep coming back. But look at him---he's too thin! I don't think he has been fed enough...

And so I fed him. Shoot me.

Then I had to tell Leonard and Little Baby that I had less tuna to give them when it came time for their meal. Needless to say, they weren't exactly thrilled, as you can see on their accusatory faces when they saw the smaller-than-usual portions of tuna....

But I simply smiled and told them:

"It won't kill you to share. Remember---not every cat is as fortunate as you spoiled idgits!"

(I don't give a rat's patooty if they're mad at me.)

(Hell, they're always mad at me for something anyway, so fooey on them.)

(And although Little Baby has perfected her scathing "disgusted at Bo" expression to a fine art, I'm immune to it.)

I decided not to tell Blaine that I had fed the little waif-cat our own cats' good, brand-name tuna fish since he is so ultra cost-conscious and is constantly lecturing me about saving money. I certainly didn't want to have to suffer through another one of his lectures about how I continually "throw good money out the window". And I also didn't want to hear him harp about how you're not supposed to feed stray cats "because they'll keep coming back". But I couldn't help mentioning the plight of the little cat when Blaine came home from work that day.

"I saw a poor little neighbor cat hanging around," I told Blaine, trying to instill some pity for God's precious little animals into his head. "A pretty little orange tabby. The poor thing was freezing--- and was staring into the window at us. I think his owners are cruel for leaving him outside on a cold day like this. And he looked thin.... and hungry."

"Yeah, I've seen him around..." Blaine replied, a sad look coming over his face.

And then, after a slight hesitation, he added: "You fed him some tuna fish, didn't you?"

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Will Somebody Please Muzzle Blaine For Me?

Y'all.... I have LABORED over this dang jacket. (You can click on the picture if you'd like to see it more closely....) (Or not---I'll understand...)

And I think I finally got it the way I want it, thank God---and it dang well had BETTER be the way I want it because the dadgum appliques were more expensive than the whole damn jacket, which was partly due to the fact that I bought the jacket large. (I like my jackets to be somewhat over-sized.) I wanted the jacket to be "just so" because this is the jacket I'm going to wear on the train to Texas next weekend.

(And don't worry--- in all the umpty-zillion years my mother has met me at train stations, bus terminals, or airports, she has been mortified by far worse than this, believe me....)

The train trip to Texas is a long one (approx. 24 hours) and includes a 7-hour layover in St. Louis and an overnight portion from there to Texas. But I'm going first class, so I will have a little room with a bunk bed to sleep in for the overnight leg of the trip. The weather will be cold, thus the need for a jacket.

Understand, when I "decorate" a piece of demin, be it blue jeans, a jean jacket, or a black leather biker jacket (which I wore in my biker days), I tend to adorn it a la my music preferences. I really like some of the music from the 60's and 70's era, even though I was too young to enjoy it when it was new.

Which means I like the "hippie" look, as you can see. None of the applique's are politically motivated one way or the other--- I just put on colorful stuff that looks 60's and 70's-ish, if ya know what I mean. Hippie-ish. Like they came out of a Peter Max poster or something...

(Is 'hippie-ish' a real word?)

Anyhoo, I decorated this jacket, front and back. And while I toiled on the floor, meticulously placing and ironing the myriad of patches, Blaine made his usual sarcastic remarks.

"All you need now is a big red nose and some huge, floppy shoes."

Har-dee-har-har, I told him. I get it---"clownish". Very funny. (Is 'clownish' a word??)

I tried to ignore him.

Or I tried some retorts of my own, like: "You're such a card---you ought to be DEALT WITH" or else that age-old favorite: "I know you are, but what am I?"

Finally, I finished the jacket and put it on, "modeling" it for Blaine. I figured he'd had his say and didn't have any more witty insults to lob.

"How does it look?" I asked, twirling around so he could see the front and the back, thinking I was looking rather cool and hippie-ish.

"They didn't have any 'joint' appliques?...."

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