Friday, May 14, 2010

Back in the Atmosphere...With Drops of Cat Litter in My Hair....



Now that she's back from that soul vacation,

Tracing her way through the constellation,

She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo,

Reminds me that there's room to grow...

("Drops of Jupiter", Train)


Whenever I catch that idgit Little Baby sleeping in her dish I always holler at the top of my lungs: "Avast, me maties! Look alive, look alive, all those in the kitchen! There's pots and pans to clean! There's dishes to clean! There's grapes fallen behind the refrigerator which need retrieving! Thus, there will be NO sleeping in food bowls on my watch!"

It doesn't do any good but what the hell.

Today I have risen from my sick bed like an unkempt phoenix but I wish I was still in it. Wednesday I caught some kind of flu (not the Swine Flu--- most probably the The Idiot's Flu) and I was so deathly ill that I had to cancel my appointment with the mobile therapist that day.

But there was no way I was going to cancel my two appointments at the Center yesterday. I had both my 1:1 hour-long therapy appointment with Jack, my new therapist---and also it was the first day of our weekly 2-hour DBT group.

And let me tell you--- they consider the group a very serious part of your therapy. You actually have to sign a written contract pledging your dedication to the group for its year-long duration--a solid year, folks. You acknowledge on the contract that if you miss so many groups you are removed from the group until it begins again. (They totally don't play around if you're not serious about your need for therapy.) And also delineated on the contract is a place where you pledge your dedication to all aspects of the therapy which supports the group---things in addition to attendance at your your weekly 2-hour group, like your weekly hour-long 1:1 therapy with your therapist, the homework you're given, practicing the things they teach you which will help you bring your chaotic emotions into a healthy balance with your life's goals, and conducting yourself in a serious and respectful manner.

So way was I going to miss the first day of the group and my 1:1 with Jack.

So I dragged my sick self up out the bed and went to the group. You would have been embarrassed for me if you'd seen the state I was in when I arrived at the Center. Yeah, I was a horrible sight to behold. My hair was dirty and I wore it in two "bad hair day" braids--which were plaited unevenly and messy, with lots of stray strands of hair swirling about. I tried to put on makeup but ended up looking like I was one of those corpses that the mortician has to put makeup on to look good for the funeral. And I had on dirty blue jeans with my wildly colored spring rain boots (well it had been raining, okay? And who's to say it wasn't going to re-rain?), and a purple hoodie 8 sizes too big for me (I think it was Blaine's). And after those desperate beauty rituals, I grabbed my folder, homework, and went to group.

(Is it "corps" or "corpses" for the plural??....)

(And is "re-rain" a word??)

Anyway, everything that happened at the Center was great! It was so great that I can't even describe it!! Come to find out, it was the very exact thing I've been needing in therapy my whole life! And now I know why Fred referred me to it.

And now I know why he had that secret little smile on his face as I sat there in his office bawling my stupid eyes out when he told me I wouldn't be able to see him anymore since I would have a therapist in this new DBT therapy. The smile wasn't because he was unfeeling. It was because he knew my tears would soon be turned to smiles!

And so, these days when I'm driving home from the Center to my home, I gaze dreamily at the scenery of Overland Park and murmur: "Lowenstein...oh, Lowenstein..."

(Yes, yes--- of course I know that Fred isn't the psychiatrist "Lowenstein" in the Conroy book "The Prince of Tides" but it's how I remember Fred and what a super perfect therapist he was for me in the last two years. And Fred DID remind me, if you remember that blog post, that someday I would be able to see him again...)

"Lowenstein...oh, Lowenstein..."

Oh yeah--and a part of my therapy called "Mastery" is that I practice on a daily basis those things which make me feel happy and less depressed. For me that is my art---in my knitting, my jewelry making, sewing funky things, and drawing angels. Hooray!

So Blaine is turning the upstairs extra bedroom into a "studio" for me. Notice that it doesn't look like a studio yet. But it will. Oh, yeah---it will.

Since I don't yet have a jewelry table (we're getting the sewing machine table this weekend for the wall to the right---and I'm standing against the wall where I put my 42" flat screen TV, heh) I've got all my jewelry making supplies spread neatly out on the floor against the wall which will eventually be the jewelry table wall.

Below is the leopard necklace I'm making--but I still have to finish the last couple of inches and put a clasp on each end. (You can click on the picture to make it bigger.) I really love those two "leaf" beads.

Below is the progress of the snap beans. Soon they will get tall enough to start winding around the stakes.

Pay no attention to the idgity cat below---Little Baby was in one of her attention-seeking "posing" moods. (You can also click on her dang picture to better view her stupid pose but I recommend ignoring her...)

Here's the kitchen herbs and the two new tomato plants---all doing well. I'm going to transplant the kitchen herbs into larger pots that Blaine bought me for that purpose. Then the plants can get bigger.

But here below is the pitiful looking topsy turvy tomato plant. It had been doing well but now it looks bad, with a lot of yellow leaves and a just-in-general depressed mood. That is because the weather has been bad for it. It's been raining off and on for the last couple of weeks, and on the days it didn't rain it was totally cloudy with no sunlight.

Thus, the plant badly needs sunlight and much less water. But I sense a hopeless attitude coming from the roots trapped in that waterfilled dirt vault they're esconced in. So I've put this plant on the "suicide watch" list. I don't want it giving up just because the damn weather isn't perfect.

(Maybe I should start yelling "Avast, me maties!" at it ???)

And below is that little asshole, Little Baby, trying to find that last tiny little morsel of tuna fish. I say she needs to attend "Tunaholics Anonymous" meetings but she says that a cat wanting tuna fish is as natural as a fish needing water.

Little asshole...

(I wonder if the phrase "Avast, me idgits!" would work better than "Avast, me maties!" ?)

Must go for now---my case manager is due and I look the same as yesterday, but WORSE. Can you believe I slept on my hair braids from yesterday?---and that I haven't changed them AT ALL for his appointment except to try and slather everything down with hair spray? But don't worry---I did change clothes.

Oh well. What he sees is what he gets.




Anonymous said...

don't sound much like a southern belle to me

Bo... said...

Well hello, "bosocrazy". I'd recognize your vomit speeches anywhere.

You just can't leave me alone. I put out a blog post and 10 seconds later you're reading it and commenting with venom.

Admit it. You're completely obsessed with me. Do you realize how unhealthy that is for you? You really need psychiatric help.

Bo... said...

I mean, not that your obsession with me isn't flattering---cuz truly, I am very flattered that you envy my life---but for your own soul it's not good, like Ann told you. In fact, it could lead you down a dark and depressing path.

Why don't you go up to your buddy up north--you're one of her groupies---and get obsessed with her? Yeah, yeah, I know. My life is way more interesting than hers, heh!

Anonymous said...

heh heh

Bo... said...

Heh heh, indeed.....

Anonymous said...

Bo, I am so happy that Fred helped you find the right treatment. Keep knitting, making your jewelry and doing the things that make you feel good.

Bo... said...

Thank you, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

you know I'm kinda starting to like you..
what's up with that?

Anonymous said...

oh and I'm not bosocrazy by the way

Anonymous said...

and I don't know anyone named Ann

Bo... said...

Well, Anonymous---I have a lot of friends. A lot of my readers are my friends, too.

But a lot of people don't like that I express my pet peeves and other stuff--some not so nice or politically correct-- on my blog.

These people get so enraged that it surprises me. They treat me like I'm some sort of monster. But that's not true at all.

I value my friends and I'd do anything for them. The universal thing about my friends is that they don't mind that I'm somewhat crazy, nutty, and unconventional.

You're perfectly welcome to be my friend. I don't hold grudges.

Bo... said...

Oh. I thought you were "bosocrazy". My mistake.

Bo... said...

Oh and about Ann: Bosocrazy has a friend named Ann who wrote me and told me that she had strongly advised bosocrazy to stop with the Twitter account that totally devoted to insulting me. God, she was making cracks about me pretty much every 2 hours. So I tried to find out who she was (with one of my reader friends) and we actually came up with one person and accused her of being bosocrazy. Turned out it wasn't her and she had a business which would have suffered if we had kept up the accusations. She wrote me to swear that she wasn't bosocrazy. So I erased everything about that and made a public apology. And bosocrazy was criticized for her actions almost causing me to hurt a vendor's business because I thought she was bosocrazy. That's when Ann advised bosocrazy to stop with the Twitter insults. So bosocrazy took the advice---and yet they're all still insulting me. Totally hilarious that they can't even follow their own advice.

Anonymous said...

I kinda like your sense of humour too and just wish you'd stick to you and your stuff and less harpin' on the harlot
let it go Bo and just enjoy your own creativity
your kinda quirky and likeable
I think I'd even like to sit 'n knit with you...

Anonymous said...

I didn't think boso.. was very nic either and I stopped reading it
is it still going on?
do unto others...

Anonymous said...

yes Bo I do but is it really doing you any good?

Bo... said...

Come on, now---you know YH is my favorite pet peeve!

And yes, here's the twitter address:

There's about 4 other girls she communicates with and you have to kind of "figure out" what they say to her to understand some of her comments. And they're still talking even though that Ann person told them to stop it. is kind of funny.

Anonymous said...

is that honestly you in the cheerleader pic?
if so you are really pretty not at all what I had pictured
be honest now
how long ago was it taken

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to go to the boso twitter page
it is just awful and hurtful

Anonymous said...

is that tomato plant a "regular" tomato or a Tom Thumb (grape sized) tomato
I think once it has a chance to dry out a bit it will be okay
yesterday I ripped the top off my middle finger right hand (now what am I gonna do ) hard to keyboard
it looks like I'm flippin' the bird at everyone....

Bo... said...

Truly? Yes--it cracks me up to bust on her. I know, I know--that's a sin. But a little birdie told me that other people make similar cracks in her comments section and she just erases them out. Remember the "breast and nipple" thing? And I was saying "Gag me!"? I found out that tons of other people wrote her with similar things--which is why she wrote that sassy rebuttal. And it totally cracks me up that she gets mad when I say stuff. And she has admitted that she deletes all negative comments on her site. I think I bust on her because of that--she thinks that the world should ALL be nice to her. She is totally astonished that someone just may not worship her.

(Don't know if that's a good explanation but the whole subject cracks me up. I'm usually laughing when I make some sort of crack....)

Bo... said...

It is me in the cheerleader pic, so thank you. I look pretty much the same now but I let my hair go it's natural color now, which is light auburn. (In those days I was coloring it darker.) And the reason I never reveal my age is because later on, when I'll want to lie about it, I won't be able to if I've told people how old I am.

Bo... said...

I don't mind if people read bosocrazy's twitter page. I'm the first one to admit that I soooooo deserve it! Frequently I do good deeds and then I say to the heavens: "Okay, God, did you see that? I figure that good deed cancels out when I said Yarn Harlot's stupid sleeves were too short on the Whistler. Right? I said Right?..."

Anonymous said...

well you are right all the comments are "nice"
but she does knit well
writes excellent humour, she's a good story teller
she does motivate people and has done an excellent job raising $ for MSF
however I do not worship her
merely read for tips and to keep up with what is current trends and stuff
I have learned a lot about knitting form her
would like to learn from you to I really like your non traditional approach to colour and form and it amazes me that you can knit without a pattern as ypur lrrh
I would enjoy an afternoon with you to compare notes
however I live far from you in Canada (yes I'm one of those!)and I respect you need for anonimity
it would be fun thought

Bo... said...

It's a large cherry tomato plant. And your poor finger--ouch.

Anonymous said...

good one on the age thing!
and yes your right............

Anonymous said...

your a hoot

Bo... said...

Well you're perfectly welcome to visit anytime! If you ever do come down here, let me know and you can stay with me and Blaine-y-poo. We could do tons of fun stuff! And we could knit in front of Blaine's stupid gigantic TV! We could twitter everything we were doing! We could make the rounds of the LYS's. I'd forgoe the anonymity if you visited! (Oooh we could blast our way around town in the pick-up truck, heh!)

Anonymous said...

and now
I want an icecream!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm only razzing you on your age cause I think we're the same

Bo... said...

Just don't get caught in the crossfire---cuz I think Blaine wants to shoot his truck with a sling shot.

Bo... said...

We probably are near the same age. I have to give up the computer now--Blaine wants to look up the Nebraska Furniture Mart site to look for me a sewing table tomorrow. (It's a HUGE furniture store in the north of Kansas City.) Talk at ya later, 'tater.

tottergirl said...

Bo, I love your sense of humor. And, your silly idgity cat. Reminds me of my Bug (same age as Little Baby) who has decided that her water dish is not good enough and licks the water out of the bathroom sink. It is a real challenge to get her to wait until I've finished brushing my teeth and rinsed the toothpaste out of the sink. Goober cat.

That necklace is oooo la la. I love that it looks like you haven't used any metal beads. So very cool.

Bo... said...

Thank you Tottergirl!

Anonymous said...

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

--Patsy Cline

--Speshul Kitteh

Maren said...

Bo, I am so glad to see you are getting some positive comments.
Bravo girl.

Bo... said...

That was nice---I like that song.

Bo... said...

Hi Maren! I was going to email you today but you beat me to it!

Anonymous said...

ignore boso and bella
eventually they will give up ans go away

Bo... said...


Anonymous said...

Bosocrazy and her friends are asking for this nonsense to end. They aren't insulting you.

So what if YH deletes a few critical comments like yours? You won't publish those you don't like. Though I suspect you make up some of the anonymous comments yourself for support or sympathy. Maybe alternate personalities?

You're worried about affecting someone's business? When you try so hard to damage YH's business?

Georgi said...

I love the leopard necklace. Where will you be selling your jewelry??

Bo... said...

Not just me, but quite a lot of other readers of YH stated they stopped reading her due to YH's penchant for taking subtle pot-shots at America, especially on Canada Day. Why? Because she smugly thinks Canada is better than America. I was the first one with the courage to raise up a "cry foul!" at that habit of YH's and I was totally crucified for it by her groupies.

Guess what? I don't like somebody from another country criticizing us at the exact same time they're making money from their book sales in this country. About 75% of her book sales are made here in this country and I don't like her attitude.

And like I said---I wasn't the only one who was irked. You have no idea how many emails I got saying they were GLAD I brought the issue up because they felt the SAME WAY.

And notice she hasn't made any of those type remarks since then? Well that's because she knows that if she did, I'd raise up a cry again and maybe get a signature list saying we don't want her books sold in this country and take it to her publishers. One of her publishers is HERE, where I live.

And another thing---I do NOT make up my own comments. Are you nuts?

Bo... said...

To Georgi:

Thank you very much! I will most likely be selling my jewelry in the bohemian area of Shawnee Mission, at a quirky little shop. And also I'll check out all the consignment shops in the area. That's how I did it in Texas, I took my stuff in to a shop owner and we made deals about my cut and their cut. I also would like to make some baby biker stuff to sell in independent biker shops in this area. (Harley shops don't take consignment stuff.)

Mel said...


So what if she thinks Canada is better than the US? She's Canadian, and it's called pride in one's country.

We Americans think the US is better than any other country in the world.

I've read the Canada Day posts, and still don't get where you're seeing anti-Americanism.

You need to stop focusing your energy on her and what you think you see in her posts. Let it go. You need to focus on your new therapy group and the work you need to do in it. Stop criticizing every little thing about someone else, and concentrate on being healthy and whole.

As a Christian, you know that God wants you to live YOUR life, and not waste the gift He gave you. You can't do that if you're obsessing over someone else's.

Can't wait to see the picture of your studio once it's completely put together.

Mel :o)

P.S. Why would anyone want to lie about the age thing? I keep telling my hubby I just thank God that I've managed to live another year, and in a few days, that will be 40 big ones, baby! ;o)

Bo... said...

Hey, Mel!

No, it wasn't the fact that she thinks Canada is the best country. That I totally understand. What I was irked at was what I interpreted as unfair pot-shots at our country as she was making money here. That's what bugged me no end. And I promise you that other people said they totally agreed with me.

But I know you're right and I shouldn't be such a brat. I do have brattiness in me....

Blaine's putting together the table for the studio tomorrow. I'm really jazzed cuz it will be the first piece of furniture in there. (The table with the Ultimate Sweater Machine is downstairs.)

I'll try to "be good", Mel..... (but please don't stop being my friend if I slip....)

Anonymous said...

Bo, why are you so critical of YH? Do you do it just for the attention? I read a lot of different knit blogs and I see viewpoints I don't share, but I'm not going to post comments on someone else's blog cursing them out. That's just rude and uncalled for.

You might not like the negative attention you've been getting, but the truth is, you brought this on yourself.

Look, life brings enough trouble, worry and confusion on its own. You don't need to add to it.

I hope you work with your 1:1 therapist on your fixation on YH. It's time you dealt with your feelings in a constructive way and moved on.....


Bo... said...

Look #99, I am so tired of answering your question that I could die. For nearly a solid year I have explained myself about this issue and yet I still get more and more of the same damn questions over and over.

I truly don't mean to be rude here but the truth is, I'm TIRED of hearing it!

Everybody knows why I initially criticized her---and I did it in private emails and a couple of comments on her blog. Then, she blew the whole thing totally OUT OF PROPORTION---and then took all my comments out of context and printed it on her blog like a poor little tyke getting bullied.

I was crucified by that act of hers and lost a lot of readers. Do you think she cares?

But lucky for me, I don't care. Because I am still going to keep reminding her that I am STILL HERE and watching her comments. And that keeps her on her toes---because notice that she no longer makes those remarks maligning America?

I'm sorry you didn't see the subtle mocking of America in her blog. But 2 or 3 Canada Days ago, she actually wrote a blog post declaring that her remarks were not aimed at criticizing America---in a very sanctimonious attitude. AND GUESS WHAT? I WASN'T AROUND THEN!!! Which means that other people had already gotten tired of criticism of America! And she flat out told everybody to leave her alone about it---because she has such a gigantic ego that she thinks she can say any fucking she wants in her blog posts, come hell or high water.

And her ego is stroked every day. And let me tell you---she has a huge ego. She thinks her shit doesn't stink. And she has about 200 sworn groupies who wax euphorically over her every uttered word. Those idiots view any criticism of her as a death penalty crime.

So....I repeat. I do NOT want to answer this question again! I've answered it ad nauseum for many months---suffered the consequences--and will STILL say as I please.

I do not mean to offend you, but I'm just saying that I'm tired of this question.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry
I have read, read and re-read the Canada Day post and tried to look at it with an American point of view but I DON'T see anything that can be read as anti-American or what ever phrase you used.
I think YH is smart enough to know that she sell alot of books in the states, has a big following in the states and does a lot of public speaking in the ststes and that if her American fans thought she was ragging on their beloved country they would let her know in short order. I think you read into her blog post something that was in ypur mind only as none of the rest of us "get it"
so, stop harping on her
move on for Pete's sake
get over it
what are you trying to do cause an international knitting incident?
those who enjoy the YH are certainly not going to be swayed by your "opinion"
stick to your own funky style of knitting and story telling and maybe your lost readers will return and more
a Canadian
move on

Anonymous said...

I see you lacked the courage to post my comment in response to your sanctimonious "The South Is Better Than The North" post.

It's because I'm right, and you know it. YOU. ARE. STILL. WRONG. ABOUT. YH.

YOU have brought this negative attention on yourself.

YOU have continued to bring the negative attention and misery upon yourself with your constant bitchiness about YH.

YOU are not the victim here. YOU are the bully.

In one of your earlier defenses of your actions, you claimed that you were the only one to catch the "subtle Anti-American" insults in YH's Canada Day posts, and that most Americans wouldn't even notice the jabs. Are you calling your compatriots stupid, then? It sure seemed that way. Talk about smug and sanctimonious!

You claim that your uber-patriotism comes from being deprived of the chance to grow up in America. How did you get to be "Miss California Cheerleader" (a bullsh!t claim on a title that doesn't exist, anyway) if you weren't living in the United States, then?

You claim to be a Christian, yet you bear false witness against your northern neighbor. You claim to be a Christian, but you refuse to turn the other cheek when it comes to Blaine's family.

It seems that the only thing that you don't lie about is your mental illness. I truly hope that this new type of therapy is useful for you.

Peace be upon you.

Bo... said...

Oh for God's SAKES!!

I've said in every single one of my answers on this subject that I am NOT THE ONLY ONE who took offense at her subtle pot-shots at America. What part of "NOT THE ONLY ONE" do you not understand? I had tons of shy readers who wrote me and said "thank you for having the courage to say what we were thinking". I had people email me and say: "That is the reason I quit reading her blog", and it went on and on. Even I had no idea that my sentiments were felt by other Americans.

You just don't want to believe that your golden girl is capable of such mean spiritedness. But trust me---her ego knows no bounds and she is smart enough to disguise her comments as "funny" or "humerous" or "good natured fun".

And I no longer CARE what the dickens you YH groupies think. Do you hear me? I said I don't fucking care.

But I know one thing for sure. And that is that I will always stand up for my country to anybody who maligns it, no matter HOW UNPOPULAR that makes me.

And actually? I have more readers now than I ever had before that whole snafu. So not everybody hates me.

Bo... said...

I've brought "negative attention and misery? on myself"? You couldn't be more wrong!!! I don't feel one bit of remorse or
"misery" for the fact that some people get mad at me! Haven't you read my same song different verse? "I don't give a flying fuck!" I laugh at most of you.

And hey---I also couldn't care less if you don't believe in my cheerleading title. I was on TV and everything and nothing you say can change the fact that I had the time of my life in college. All my family and friends know and that's good enough for me.

You're just saying things like that to try and upset me--but GUESS WHAT? I couldn't CARE FUCKING LESS what you think!

Oh, and another thing---most diplomatic brats come home to go to college. They return to their parents' foreign abodes during summer vacations.

Anonymous said...

Heh heh heh.

Thought you weren't going to answer any more questions.

Shouldn't you be at church?

Anonymous said...

YH does not keep her identity a secret
why you do is a mystery and your worries about stalker in your mind only who would bother with a little hick like you
YH has a great blog with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of readers because she is a great knitter and an excellent writer
she doesn't need to run others down in her blog it's not her style nor does she need to why would she
you are a condradiction of everything you say in your blog
you are completely un-Christian
and yes you are a BULLY
you feed off the comments that support the YH and then continue to harp on her because simply put you are jealous of her notariety
you are jealous
using the F word doesn't make it all go away
also you've been caught in so many lies it's hilarious
you still don't sound much like a southern belle to me.....

Bo... said...

Oh, go to hell. You're the one who's jealous. OF ME.

Anonymous said...

so why DO you require 4 therapists
if you had such a wonderful upbringing with all it's southern genteelness and such a loving mumsy and sister
were miss cheerleader whatever and such a wonderful husband/ex husband Blaine who buys you everything you want
a great job as a nurse and Bohemian seller of stuff
and lovely home in Big Fork Kansas or wherever...
why would you require 4 therapists
and AA
what is your so deeply rooted emotional trauma that requires all this HELP
or are you just nuts

Anonymous said...

and when you run out of answers the swearing comes to the surface
ie fuck off
go to hell
no real answer 'eh?
and another thing
it is Sunday morning...why aren't you in church?
you reallyn need to get in the confessional for a while

Bo... said...

Oh just wait---I'm about to publish something today which will make you understand just a little more.....heh heh....

Anonymous said...

I would like you to write on your blog or in your comments
the EXACT words that YH said and your EXACT meaning of how those words were anti American
can't do 'EH?

Anonymous said...

heh heh indeed

Anonymous said...

so looking forward to your next post
see you in the comments

Bo... said...

I think you will be most satisfied with the blog post I'm about to put out. (If you'll just give me half hour or so---because it's going to be worth it's weight in maple leaves....)

Anonymous said...

oh here it comes everyone
hold onto you umbrellas the tornado from the emerald city is about to blow again

Anonymous said...


If you don't want to answer (again)the question about why you don't care for YH, that's fair enough. I will not ask it again.

However, I will ask that you turn your attention to yourself and concentrate on healing mentally and emotionally. Wouldn't you rather live a life of peace and happiness?

Bo, I'm not your enemy and I'm not trying to antagonize you. I just think you should shift your focus to a more positive direction.

Remember: Happiness is a CHOICE. Choose to focus on what motivates you in a positive way and gives you joy. Knit, make jewelry, play with the cats, be good to yourself and others. Read your Bible and pray for God's guidance in your life.

Life is too short to put so much energy towards negative thoughts and words. Live and let live.