Monday, November 26, 2007

Saving Private Bo


The "Sniper's Prayer" From The Movie "Saving Private Ryan":

Be not that far from me, for trouble is near;

haste Thee to help me.

Blessed be the Lord my strength,

which teacheth my hands to war,

and my fingers to fight.

My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower,

and my Deliverer; my shield,

and He in whom I trust;

who subdueth my people under me.


Oh my God, I trust in thee:

let me not be ashamed,

let not mine enemies triumph over me.....


This is my final posting for awhile...

As you know, I am still having problems with alcohol. Since I have struggled with this demon for quite awhile, and continue to have problems despite attending AA and working that program, I have chosen to enter a severe, two-year, rehabilitation program in Baton Rouge.

It is one of the campuses of the Cenikor program. Here's the website if you're interested.

Cenikor has programs in Fort Worth and Houston in Texas--- and Baton Rouge in Louisiana. (They are planning a program in Atlanta.)

As I said above, I will be entering the Baton Rouge program. I guess I thought I'd feel more "comfortable" over there since my mother and her family is originally from Louisiana. At least I speak the language. (I can switch back and forth from my father's Texan drawl to my mother's soft, slower, "Lusian Southern" at will, heh.)

Cenikor is not for the faint-of-heart. It is a brutal, strenuous, "in-your-face" program which causes some people to "shiver at the thought". But I am going to go and give it my best shot.

(I figure NOTHING could be more dreadful than the convent nursing school I attended years ago, when I used to pray to The Lord: "Look Lord, I ain't no quitter. So could you please allow them to figure out a way to throw me out?")

But I don't intend to get thrown out of Cenikor. I am going there to do battle with my disease. And when I say battle, I mean just like the opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan". To me, my alcoholism is a foe as vicious and as killing as the enemy fighters in that scene.

And I say that because, over the years, I have buried many good friends and family who lost their own battles with alcoholism or drug addiction. I won't tell you their stories, but trust me---they died horrible deaths and they died young. I still miss them so very terribly. And so, like a fellow soldier and comrade-in-arms, I have decided to "pick up the flag" they each dropped as they died----and carry it as I keep on running forward on the battlefield, towards a hoped-for victory. But the statistics are bad for me. This awful disease may get me yet---despite the warrior skills I intend to deploy. I may die young myself. I have instructed my family to prepare for that possibility.

But, like a guy I heard speak at an AA meeting the other night, I'm going to give it the "fight of my life". I won't go down easy....

And who knows, I may triumph. Who can know the future.

I don't know if the Cenikor program allows computer privileges. Probably not. They take 45 days just to orient you to the program. Then you must work hard and earn privileges. So I'm not sure if I'll be blogging for awhile...

Anyway, farewell for awhile, dear friends. Wish me luck. And please know that I will think of all of you for the entire time I am at Cenikor. Really--- I will. And I will return to you at some time in the future, and we can chat again.

Belinda and Bonnie are going to write me--- and my good mother has promised to send me "care packages".

I am packing a separate suitcase with knitting supplies because apparently, after my 45-day orientation, I will be allowed to begin working and earning privileges--- and may be able to use a little free time after such things (and other program activities) to knit for relaxation.

(If knitting is one of the so-called "privileges", I will DEFINITELY become the model prisoner...I mean resident, heh.)

(And I'm taking the "good yarn". I took some Kauni, Noro, Opal, Regia, and other nice yarns. Hell, two years?......maybe 3 hundred socks and a couple of sweaters, right?)


P.S.: Speaking of Noro, I have been wearing some of my Kureyon socks around the house---and that yarn definitely softens up with wear.


Thursday, November 15, 2007

In Any Battle, a Change of Tactics Can Become Necessary...

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By nature man hates change; seldom will he quit his old home till it has actually fallen around his ears....

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) British historian and essayist