Was It Lord Byron Who Said "Fools Are My Theme, Let Satire Be My Song"?...

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I lost my power in this world,

And the rumors are flying,

So I go insane,

Like I always do....

("Go Insane", Lindsey Buckingham)

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Out in the faraway nearby,

Can you hear my call?

Out in the faraway nearby,

I'm breaking down the walls...

("The Faraway Nearby", Cyndi Lauper)

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Um....nobody in the household is in a good mood today. The cats are grouchy and I'm in one of my deep, dark moods---those nightmarish moods which are the bane of my existence....

And I'm also discouraged about a lot of things.

Currently it seems like therapists dominate my life, there's too much housework, I'm constantly manipulated by certain idgity cats (who, as you can see by the pictures, are truculent today), and three of Blaine's friends are going to spend the night here Saturday night on their way up north to find work.

It's not that I mind them staying here---hell, I know they're broke and can't afford a hotel. But now I'm selfishly contemplating just how much I don't want to clean the whole upstairs, bathrooms and all, in my current mood.

And on the night the guys will be here, the stupid cats will have to be shut into the basement because the guys are bringing their three feisty dogs---God help me. But I guess if I can live through it, the cats can, too. And I'll put soft blankets down in the basement for them to sleep on.

And what's also making my black mood worse is that instead of using my knitting as a relaxation technique, I'm feeling a bunch of anxiety about this durn, never-ending Little Red Riding Hoodie.

The damn thing has so many details that it's going to take me donkey years to finish it!

I started a sleeve and it fits okay and all, but I have to do a duplicate stitch area around it---and I'm not even sure I like the sleeve yet. Like I said, it fits but hey, I have no qualms at all about frogging it again---but I simply can't make up my mind. Maybe after I do the duplicate stitching on it I'll figure out whether I like it or not.

And speaking of the sleeve, behold the first leaf of the leaf trim for the sleeve above. It's supposed to be a miniaturized version of the worsted weight yarn leaf trim I'm making for the buttonbands and hoodie. I've started this teensy trim on size 0 glove-finger needles, using Aunt Somebody's crochet thread in the correct color (Lydia?)---but GOLLEE MOSES this durn Lilliputian trim is tediously slow work! But I am bound to do it because I love how delicate it looks!

You can see the worsted weight trim in the pic below, and I'm happy with it---especially since it knits quickly. But then....on top of all this tedious work on trims, I bought a knitting nobby to see if I can do the hoodie's tubular drawstring on it instead of performing the double-pointed needle method....

I figure at this rate I'll get finished with this dadgum sweater by the year 2012 which, according to some people, is when the Rapture will happen--- and if the Rapture happened I wouldn't need a Little Red Riding Hoodie cuz I'd be in Heaven and could have anything I want.

(And I'm going to ask for an entire Burberry's wardrobe with a Juicy Couture purse--the pink one with the peace sign on it... and all the doves and mockingbirds nests in my trees that I want...)

And what's worse is that, in the midst of all this flotsam and jetsam of the Little Red Riding Hoodie, I have already been sneakily collecting supplies for my next knitting project---which makes me salivate every time I think of it---but I have promised myself not to start the next project until I finish this current one.

You see, after watching the Winter Olympics and seeing the various teams' gorgeous Olympic sweaters, I have decided to do the Dale of Norway Lillehammer Olympics sweater, along with matching accessories like the socks, mittens, and knapsack. (I even have the authentic "Lillehammer" and "DaleGarn" appliques for the sleeves.)

And I get anxiety thinking about all that because you know me--- I've never followed somebody else's pattern before. (And it's a given that I won't use the traditional color choices---I will use psychedelic combo's of bright colors, even using some yarns that have metallic glitter in them.) And it looks like I'll have to work the darn things on size 1 & 3 needles since I knit loosely and have to go down in needle sizes to get gauge...

So who knows how that'll all turn out.....

Anyway, the female therapist finally came over here yesterday to "get to know me in person" since we had started off on such a bad footing, even with an episode where I...er... screamed into the phone at my case manager because I was positive this therapist was a total incompetent. But when she got here to visit me--- Surprise! I liked her! Just goes to show you how easy it is for me to blow things way out of proportion.

(Okay, at least I'm admitting it.)

She's coming back next week with a schedule of various community activities she can take me to (since I don't want to do the swimming thing). And tomorrow my case manager is coming over, too, and I'm hopin that he and I can discuss some other things, like mindfulness classes or other, more serious things Fred has advised.

But for today, I'm in what I halfway call one of my "crazy" periods.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Crazy. And last night I had THAT DREAM again--- that recurring dream which always frightens me to death and, upon waking, sends me into a sad melancholia for the rest of the day.

I wish that dream would go away...but it never does.

You see, the "I Hate Bo" club isn't that far off the mark sometimes when they accuse me of being "certifiably crazy", heh-heh. (But they're wrong about me getting this way due to my so-called "sins". I've been going through this since I was born.)

I get into these horrible black moods.... dark, brooding, melancholy moods....aka crazy.

And when I get like this.....

....then I do like I'm doing today and hide in the house, knitting, wearing iPod earbuds to hear beautiful music--- and I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that my family and Blaine are very protective of me....

...and I just cope as best as I can until the dark clouds pass and the sun returns....

(Right now the iPod is playing "Lawyers in Love" by Jackson Browne. Good song.)

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