Showing posts with label distress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label distress. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Mamo Died--- And Do You Think The Angels Truly Hear?.....

I was always told that the Angels of Heaven hear us---and transport our messages to God.

That is what I was always told. I was told that the Angels Of the Lord listen to our prayers and then carry those pitiful messages to God in order to petition God for whatever it is that we have prayed. Do you think it's really true?

It's what I was always told in Catholic school---and believe me, I went to plenty of Catholic schools during my time in school-dom. (Even a Catholic nursing school, if you'll notice, if you read my series of haphazard posts called "Who Ya Gonna Call?" )

But....the thing is.... I'm not a Catholic.

I have nothing against Catholics---but I'm a Southern Baptist. Or, if you will, a Baptist.

And Baptists believe that you pray spot-on directly to God. You pray to the Almighty One Himself. You bypass Catholic saints, you bypass angels, and you bypass any other sort of junction. The Baptists believe that, when you pray, you're talking to (if you're "southern") (excuse the southern slang) to the Big Dog Himself.

Do you think that's it's really true?--- that God is hearing you when you pray?....and when you mourn?.....and when you are in great distress?... or when you feel grief so great that you can't imagine surviving the morrow?

Because what I'm praying for today is a petition for my mother, her brother, and her sister. The children of Mamo..... because......

Mamo took her last breath at 3:15 pm today, with only her son and my mother there to comfort her.

Their mother, my grandmother, my Mamo, died and left this earth....

And I pray wholeheartedly, on my knees, for God to have mercy on Mamo's soul---and also for the peace of mind for her children--- and.. also... this I know for sure.....

If it was MY mother who died......

God help me, I would die, inside, myself.

A beloved grandmother dying is sad and tragic enough----but I am obsessed with the thoughts of the point of view of my wonderful, beautiful mother. Her mother died!!! And I can't help thinking how hideously devastating it is for her---in fact, in my opinion, "hideously devastating" isn't a descriptive enough phrase for the feeling I would believe would be engendered by one's mother dying.

I am so full of sympathy and empathy for my mother that I don't know what to do.

The only thing I know is to write you guys.

In fact, here are the things I told Blaine that I would do if my own mother died:

I would die.

I would die.

I would be inconsolable forever. FOREVER.

I would go to the nearest fucking bar and drink my stupid self into a stupor.

(Which drinking alcohol is not something I am permitted to do since I am a recovering alcoholic....)

I would die.

I would die.

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Mamo has died.

Yes, I am going to Texas again.

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Mamo......... *

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