Days of Snow and Coffee......

That puddy tat is very bad,

he sneaks up from behind,

I don't think I would like it,

if I knew what's on his mind...

("I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat", Mel Blanc)

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Things I've Said To The Cats Which Blaine Claims Means I'm Insane:

- Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

- You look guilty---what did you do?

- And don't look at Blaine---he can't help you.

- You'll eat EVERY damn bite of that food---don't you know there's starving cats in Africa?

(To Blaine: Look, honey---the idiot cats think the window is "television". The cat in the mansion down the street probably thinks he has HBO and cable.)

- As long as you live under my roof, you'll do EXACTLY what I tell you to do.

- Who do I look like--the damn Tuna Fairy?

- Stop fighting---this isn't Madison Square Gardens.

- Oh my GOD, you cats are such PISSANTS!

(To Blaine: Well they ARE pissants---and so are you.)

- Hey, one of you cats get over here---my feet are cold.

- Alright that's it! This time I'm going to kick some cat ASS!!

- Okay, who's the wise cat who licked my yogurt? Do I eat out of your bowl?

- You'll do what I say because I'm the one who feeds and clothes you.

(To Blaine: Sure they're "clothed"---and every dang time I clean up cat hair I'm doing their laundry.)

- You cats are so stupid you don't even realize that Blaine mixes cheap wet food in your tuna fish.

(To Blaine: Oh for God's sakes, don't worry---they can't understand human talk.)

(To Blaine: You'd better use the manual can opener for that soup or the C-A-T-S will think you're opening some T-U-N-A.)

- Alright, which one of you cats dragged my half-knitted sock all over the living room and got cat spit all over it?

- And don't try to lie---I can tell by looking into your eyeballs which one of you did it.

(To Blaine: No, I did NOT say "half-witted" socks.)

- I said LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!

- Can't I even go to the damn BATHROOM without you cats STARING at me???

- Um, excuse me Your Highness---but that's MY chair. So move your fluffy self somewhere else.

- They're CATS, Blaine! CATS! They can wait a measly 20 minutes for their food until WE get done eating!

- Alright, which one of you damn cats slept on the dining room table? I know somebody did it because I can feel a warm spot there.

- You don't like that kind of cat food, eh? Well, then you can just WHISTLE DIXIE before I ever pay 79 cents a can for wet food again.

(To Blaine as he begins whistling "Dixie": SHUT UP!)

- MUST YOU pee less than five minutes after I change the dang litter box?

And the phrase which irks Blaine the most:

- I wish all I had to do all day was SLEEP, EAT, and plot more ways to BUG the hell out of me.