That puddy tat is very bad,
he sneaks up from behind,
I don't think I would like it,
if I knew what's on his mind...
("I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat", Mel Blanc)*
*Things I've Said To The Cats Which Blaine Claims Means I'm Insane: - Don't look at me in that tone of voice! - You look guilty---what did you do? - And don't look at Blaine---he can't help you. - You'll eat EVERY damn bite of that food---don't you know there's starving cats in Africa? (To Blaine: Look, honey---the idiot cats think the window is "television". The cat in the mansion down the street probably thinks he has HBO and cable.) - As long as you live under my roof, you'll do EXACTLY what I tell you to do. - Who do I look like--the damn Tuna Fairy? - Stop fighting---this isn't Madison Square Gardens. - Oh my GOD, you cats are such PISSANTS! (To Blaine: Well they ARE pissants---and so are you.) - Hey, one of you cats get over here---my feet are cold. - Alright that's it! This time I'm going to kick some cat ASS!! - Okay, who's the wise cat who licked my yogurt? Do I eat out of your bowl? - You'll do what I say because I'm the one who feeds and clothes you. (To Blaine: Sure they're "clothed"---and every dang time I clean up cat hair I'm doing their laundry.) - You cats are so stupid you don't even realize that Blaine mixes cheap wet food in your tuna fish. (To Blaine: Oh for God's sakes, don't worry---they can't understand human talk.) (To Blaine: You'd better use the manual can opener for that soup or the C-A-T-S will think you're opening some T-U-N-A.) - Alright, which one of you cats dragged my half-knitted sock all over the living room and got cat spit all over it? - And don't try to lie---I can tell by looking into your eyeballs which one of you did it. (To Blaine: No, I did NOT say "half-witted" socks.) - I said LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! - Can't I even go to the damn BATHROOM without you cats STARING at me??? - Um, excuse me Your Highness---but that's MY chair. So move your fluffy self somewhere else. - They're CATS, Blaine! CATS! They can wait a measly 20 minutes for their food until WE get done eating! - Alright, which one of you damn cats slept on the dining room table? I know somebody did it because I can feel a warm spot there. - You don't like that kind of cat food, eh? Well, then you can just WHISTLE DIXIE before I ever pay 79 cents a can for wet food again. (To Blaine as he begins whistling "Dixie": SHUT UP!) - MUST YOU pee less than five minutes after I change the dang litter box? And the phrase which irks Blaine the most: - I wish all I had to do all day was SLEEP, EAT, and plot more ways to BUG the hell out of me.