Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Days of Snow and Coffee......

That puddy tat is very bad,
he sneaks up from behind,
I don't think I would like it,
if I knew what's on his mind...

("I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat", Mel Blanc)

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Things I've Said To The Cats Which Blaine Claims Means I'm Insane:

- Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

- You look guilty---what did you do?

- And don't look at Blaine---he can't help you.

- You'll eat EVERY damn bite of that food---don't you know there's starving cats in Africa?

(To Blaine: Look, honey---the idiot cats think the window is "television". The cat in the mansion down the street probably thinks he has HBO and cable.)

- As long as you live under my roof, you'll do EXACTLY what I tell you to do.

- Who do I look like--the damn Tuna Fairy?

- Stop fighting---this isn't Madison Square Gardens.

- Oh my GOD, you cats are such PISSANTS!

(To Blaine: Well they ARE pissants---and so are you.)

- Hey, one of you cats get over here---my feet are cold.

- Alright that's it! This time I'm going to kick some cat ASS!!

- Okay, who's the wise cat who licked my yogurt? Do I eat out of your bowl?

- You'll do what I say because I'm the one who feeds and clothes you.

(To Blaine: Sure they're "clothed"---and every dang time I clean up cat hair I'm doing their laundry.)

- You cats are so stupid you don't even realize that Blaine mixes cheap wet food in your tuna fish.

(To Blaine: Oh for God's sakes, don't worry---they can't understand human talk.)

(To Blaine: You'd better use the manual can opener for that soup or the C-A-T-S will think you're opening some T-U-N-A.)

- Alright, which one of you cats dragged my half-knitted sock all over the living room and got cat spit all over it?

- And don't try to lie---I can tell by looking into your eyeballs which one of you did it.

(To Blaine: No, I did NOT say "half-witted" socks.)

- I said LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!

- Can't I even go to the damn BATHROOM without you cats STARING at me???

- Um, excuse me Your Highness---but that's MY chair. So move your fluffy self somewhere else.

- They're CATS, Blaine! CATS! They can wait a measly 20 minutes for their food until WE get done eating!

- Alright, which one of you damn cats slept on the dining room table? I know somebody did it because I can feel a warm spot there.

- You don't like that kind of cat food, eh? Well, then you can just WHISTLE DIXIE before I ever pay 79 cents a can for wet food again.

(To Blaine as he begins whistling "Dixie": SHUT UP!)

- MUST YOU pee less than five minutes after I change the dang litter box?

And the phrase which irks Blaine the most:

- I wish all I had to do all day was SLEEP, EAT, and plot more ways to BUG the hell out of me.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great socks...need to get started on some - about 3" snow & the freezing rain is to start at midnight! Too funny "cat talk".
KT in VA

Anonymous said...

Oh, how could I forget to say the cat pix are wonderful!
KT in VA

Cynthia Martin said...

Honey, if Blaine thinks that you are insane for talking to your cats like that then I must be insane too, for I also talk to my cats and have said some of the exact same things that you have to yours. Great minds think alike!

Anonymous said...

Bo, you are NOT insane. You are CAT STAFF. You are as soft-headed as you are soft-hearted. You are my DH's long-lost twin and probably MY cousin. Because I thought WE were the looniest cat family in the world (we live with 5), but you've got some REAL conversation winners in there! LOVED, LOVED, LOVED IT!!!! Thanks SO much for the belly laughs!
Oh, and your socks are beautiful too!
Macy in NY

Duckie said...

Hahahaha! That was a great post! I don't have cats, but I can very well imagine myself having conversations with them.

lheiserman said...

Thank you for sharing. I love cats, but am allergic to them, so alas, no cats for me. However, I love your cat stuff.

I also have found myself saying some of those things to my dogs. Those are too funny!

The socks are gorgeous as well! :)

Maggie said...

My mom talked to her cats, and she was 1 of the most creative people I have ever known. I talk to my plants, dolls, knitting...old house...and I am not insane..unique, different, 1 of a kind, but not insane...LOL..the knitting looks great..

Knitman said...

I love both pairs of socks and enjoyed your cats. I used to keep cats but alas cannot any more.