Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ode To Road Construction Workers....

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To The Road Construction Worker I May Have Frightened Yesterday:

Dear Sir:

I am so very sorry that I caused you to frantically dive out of my way as I rapidly peeled rubber on two wheels while turning right onto College Boulevard yesterday. I was trying to avoid a jerk in a white Subaru who didn't realize that there were TWO lanes for turning vehicles. The idgit apparently did not see that we would both be able to make the turn at the same time, and so he tried to merge into MY lane, nearly running me off the road, thus causing me to have to swerve in your direction.

(And really, I was quite offended that he angrily blasted me with his tiny little Subaru horn for the next 5 minutes solid, jarring my already on edge nerves. I never appreciate it when Lilliputian vehicles attempt to get into a David & Goliath contest with my giant truck.)

Also, I want to apologize for not realizing that College Boulevard is STILL under heavy construction. Whenever you road construction workers block off all the traffic lanes while marking off impossibly small detour routes with those pretty orange cones, I get anxiety--- because I am driving a huge Ford F-150 long-bed pickup truck, and I'm always worried that the behemoth won't fit into the slim detour lanes.

Yes, yes, I know--- the powerful truck is probably way too much muscle for someone as small as me. And I do hereby admit that because of its gigantic, gas-guzzling, Triton V-8 engine, it frequently gets away from me and barrels down the road like an M1 Abrams military tank during Desert Storm...

(Although--- there are definitely times that I almost wish it really WERE an M1 Abrams so that I could blast witless drivers out of my way with its cannons--- or else simply roll right OVER them...but I digress...)

Anyway, I am truly sorry that I caused you to fear for your life--- but really, I had it all under control. Didn't you notice how I avoided plowing into you by instead driving over that row of orange cones? Seriously, the cones can be replaced, so I think I made the wisest decision and resolved the whole matter with minimal damage.

(Um....well....and I must also apologize in case you overheard me give that age-old southern "rebel yell", YEE-HAH!!, while running down all those orange traffic cones--- and counting them out loud as I ran over each one--- but I must admit that it has always been a dream of mine to flatten an entire row of those ubiquitous, irksome orange cones which cause aggravating traffic snarls by herding 4 lanes of vehicles into one. Surely you can understand?)

But I know that it isn't your fault that the endless and irritating road construction is going on, seemingly forever, on College Boulevard all the way from Quivera to Antioch Streets, and I definitely shouldn't take out my frustrations on you. And I certainly shouldn't have caused you concern for your life. But as I said before, I had it all under control and you were never in any real danger (which is more than we can say for all those pitiful cones, right?)

If it's any comfort to you, may I add here that you are one of the best looking road construction workers I have ever seen? I swear I have never seen such attractive, rippling muscles on a man, and you certainly looked extremely fetching in your jaunty construction helmet while brandishing that traffic banner upon which the word "SLOW" was emblazoned. Your quick reflexes are admirable. And excuse me for being blunt (because I'm not usually so shamefully forward), but if all road construction workers looked like you, I wouldn't mind at all having to slow down at road construction sites since I, like most ladies, always appreciate good "eye candy", and you are definitely a tasty-looking morsel....

Sigh....and in the interest of being honest, I guess I will have to further allow that I just may have been a tad inattentive and distracted during the whole ordeal because I had just left my psychiatrist's office and my brain was still trying to process a bunch of Freudian mumbo-jumbo which always confuses me. (God knows the good doctor tries hard, but he'll never have the finesse and insight of my other therapist, Fred.)

And so I will end this apology by assuring you that I have learned my lesson and will attempt to be a better driver in the future.

Best regards,

The driver of the blue Ford F-150

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P.S.* I...um... must tell you that I will be coming your way again today as I have an appointment with Fred. But don't worry your handsome head---I will avoid stupid little Subarus at all cost and I promise not to run over any more of your orange cones.

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48 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you can not drive your vehicle safely, don't drive it. The orange cones are not toys for your entitled little self to knock over like a toddler with his blocks. Safety isn't a joke, it's your responsibility.
Once again I am sure you are "just joking" but the way you tell it you were clearly in the wrong and proud of it. That doesn't make you funny, but it does show what poor judgment you choose to use.

Bo... said...

To Anonymous:

Ah yes, another member of YH's "We Hate Bo Club". Do you guys have a secret handshake, membership cards, and matching T-shirts? Where is the clubhouse where you hold your meetings? Is it full of computer stations so you can monitor my blog?

Anonymous said...

i absolutely love the fact that you think that everyone who doesnt like you is immedietly names a member of YH's club! lol are you just paranoid or is ther something physically wrong with you? i just dont like you. i think ur rude, unkind, snidey and a nasty piece of work in general. you seem like someone who plays everything up for attention. i pity you.

Bo... said...

To Anonymous Again:

You ARE a member of the YH's "We Hate Bo Club". And I don't give a tinker's damn whether you like me or not. This is MY blog. Get it, dumbass? It's MY blog, and I'll say just exactly whatever the hell I want to say on it.

Bo... said...

To Those of You Who Keep Sending Me Comments Asking How to Join the "We Hate Bo Club":

As far as I know, judging from what I've seen in present members, here are the requirements:

1. You are obsessed with my highly entertaining, interesting, and stimulating stories;

2. You may perhaps have tired of YH's sugar-coated PC blog and need to read something "real";

3. You have been looking for a target for your sadly angry, stupid little lives (and you actually think that it bugs me);

4. You're EXTREMELY jealous of me.

5. You can submit witty comments that have decent grammar and spelling. (I get far too many childish rants which are not clever, and they have the atrocious spelling and grammar of a high school drop-out. I never print those.)

That's it, folks. If you meet those criteria, you're "in". Don't forget you need to elect officers, such as President, Vice President, etc.

Anonymous said...

I think people coming on here to leave nasty, negative comments designed to make you suffer is incredibly wrong and sad. But I think if you stopped responding, they would stop coming here to get a rise out of you.

I don't know why people who don't like you read and subsequently comment on your blog, but I understand that just about as much as why you continue to follow the Yarn Harlot since you're not a fan. Which is not at all.

People who leave you nasty comments are simply mean, small people, and I think there is room for everyone to be quite a bit more polite here.

meredithbohdan@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You have figured out! we are OBSESSED with you. We want to BE you! We want to have lots and lots of hangups and be on countless meds and see not one but TWO shrinks because we are so screwed up! We want our in-laws to hate us (probably with very good cause). You are just SOOOO SMART!!!!!

Tell me - did you meet your husband in the looney bin and did have a lobotomy? Must have to have married a whack job like you!

Denise said...

Bo you made my day! eye candy...yeah I can imagine I would have lost my concentration as well. And a raspberry to you anonymous! It was funny and you need to get a life. Hitting something other than orange cones is not safe. Jeez. You don't like her why you are you reading her blog and leaving rude and nasty comments? And you don't even have the balls to leave your real name...jerk

Bo... said...

Thank you, Denise and Meredith!!

Anonymous said...

lol i am the second anon, ther are more than 1 of us! i dont leave my name because i know that you would harrass me if i did. i just wanted to tell you tht i think u have a bad attitude to life and you are a mean and unkind person. i think you should know this. i think you should stop trying to act like your something amazing when your clearly not. i pity you.

Bo... said...

Did I hear you correctly? You actually said: "I'm the second anon"???

Do you think I give a flying crap "which" anon you are? You are all the same to me---jealous idiots who are obsessed with me. Like I said before, go back to YH's abode from whence you spawned.

As you can see above, I do have loyal friends who are kind and understanding to me. And you could never understand how much I love them.

Anonymous said...

So much fun! Love to read all your whackedout nuttiness!! Don't ever top being crazy and paranoid as hell!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just...wow.

Anonymous said...

lol doesnt everyone think this is a crazy lady? shall we all laugh at the fact that she says she can say what she wants on her blog but has a go at other people for saying what they want on theres!!!!! this lady is one hole tray full of crazy pie LOL do u not wana come on her site just to laugh hahahahaha

Bo... said...

Geez, for God's sakes calm down, Anonymous. You sound like you're hysterical. Are you having "Bo Anxiety"? It's a common affliction, as you can see here. Wish I could help ya, but I only know what meds help me. Maybe you should find a good therapist, although I have the best one, my Fred. And he only takes "selected" patients.

And oh yes, it's true---I really CAN say anything I want on MY blog. (Emphasis on the word "MY".) Freedom of speech and all.

Anonymous said...

Not freedom of speech, exactly. It's more like a right of ownership in this instance. If it were freedom of speech, everyone could/would say whatever they want, and you've made it clear that you are establishing restrictions.

Bo... said...

Semantics. (And stupid semantics at that.)

Anonymous said...

Bo is a big steamin' plate of crazy that I love to read! Her crazy justfications are a scream.
She says that she is Southern which I seriously doubt, but then claims that she was raised all over the world as a diplomatic brat.

If she and hers have been out representing the good ol' US of A, no wonder everyone hates us!

Bo... said...

And you have NO IDEA how fun it is to be crazy!

By the way, you are wrong. Not "everybody" overseas hates us. You shouldn't make generalizations about entire cultures just because of fanatical groups and terrorist activities. (And certain idiotic political figures who perpetuate that myth.)


Although I almost lost my life in Damascus, Syria due to an anti-American episode in which the American Embassy was stormed in 1998, I taught English to Syrians while there and I made some of the best friends of my life. I've lived all over the world and the average, every day person overseas loves us gregarious Americans.

Obviously, you are NOT culturally educated and sadly uninformed about other countries and their societies.

Eileen said...

As one who has friends who work in construction- do be careful. I know you are joking and trying to find humor in the situation- but driving while distracted- be on the cell phone, with a conversation etc is dangerous and costs lives. That is no joke.

Bo... said...

Thank you, Eileen. I will try to be more careful in the future.

chroniclesist said...

I'm not taking sides, but I just don't get you anon commenters.

If you don't like what you see, why even bother leaving a comment? Just turn around and leave. Why bother wasting your time on a 'nutcase'?

seriously, there ARE better things to do in life. Believe it or not.

Bo... said...

Because, Chroniclesist, they know that I am NOT really a "nutcase". They know that I am quite clever and intelligent, and they are pathetically trying their hand at besting me in the clever art of repartee. None of them have bested me yet, but yet they keep trying. (Additionally, they are fascinated with my life and they can't help themselves...) (We southerners are rather fascinating---we can't help ourselves---don't you think?)

Anonymous said...

Oh you are so right - clever and intelligence are probably your middle names.

I am not trying to "best" you - I just love to read your complete and total whackiness when you sputter and spew. SOOOO FUUUUUNNNNNN!!!! I'll bet your self-rightousness is a scream in person! (Not that I would ever want to meet you in person. You probably would go all snot and tears if someone laughed in your face!)

Bo... said...

Sorry, you'll never get the chance to meet me and have the pleasure of hanging out with me. I choose my friends carefully. You see, only a few "chosens" are allowed in my little clique. Malcontents like you would never make the cut. It's not just that you're not very intelligent, it's also that you are supremely insecure and full of anger. You're also a bore.

Anonymous said...

A "bore" even!! Oh how you have cut me to the quick! You are soooo right! You are the coolest kid on the block. We can all only aspire to be as fabulous as you!

Oh Bo! PLEASE do not ever stop being you. I have derived so much pleasure out of your incredibly pithy come backs!

Bo... said...

I know you have. And so have all the other "Anons"...

Anonymous said...

It would have served you right if the construction workers called the police and had you arrested. You should be ashamed of yourself, but knowing you, I guess you're not....GROW UP woman.

Bo... said...

Arrested? Hah!!!! You've got to be kidding me! This is an upper class neighborhood and the very nice and kind local police would never throw a lady in jail for swerving out of the way of a reckless driver and then running over a few orange cones as a result, you dimwit!

In fact, when it rained the other day there was a truly big accident at the corner with two cars wrecked into each other. The polite police officers took them to a nearby McDonalds to take the accident report! Everybody had milkshakes! You are SOOOOOOO STUPID!

This isn't the type of town you probably live in---we're civilized here.

You just WISH I had been arrested, doncha? Doncha????? Yeah, you do!!! But too bad, you numbskull, I wasn't! And I'm still driving my big ole lovely pick-up truck around town, having the time of my life checking out foxy construction workers!

Arrested! HAH!

Bo... said...

Plus, you idiot---I'm southern, don't ya remember? My southern accent has enabled me to talk my way out of every single traffic problem I've ever been pulled over for---even for speeding in a school zone once, and NOBODY gets out of those citations! Arrested --- HAH!!!!

Anonymous said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You're delusions are an utter delight to read!

Bo... said...

Delusions? Try reality. And that, in a nutshell, is why you guys are fascinated, yet enraged, with me. Heh.

Anonymous said...

Upper class neighborhood, eh? If it's so upperclass, how did YOU get in?

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Bo, please do not think that I am enraged with you. Quite the contrary. You just simply crack me up. Why on earth would I be enraged with you? Have you hurt me or my family? No. That is the only way you would make me mad let alone provoke rage. Dear sweet Bo, you simply do not have that much power in my world!

Bo... said...

You are obviously (and painfully) unaware of my lineage and connections.

Bo... said...

And to the Anonymous who claims she is not "enraged":

My dear, you doth protest too much.

Anonymous said...

No one is enraged with you, madam; it's just rather amusing to see an adult woman that does not want to grow up.

You critize YH, but the truth is, only 5 people on planet Earth knew about your web log before you started riding her back. Instead of giving her a hard time, you should be thanking her for the publicity. How else would you get the attention you crave?

Bo... said...

Madam, you are wrong. My numbers have steadily increased since 2006 when I began the blog. Yes, there are a few more now since so-and-so had her whine-fest, but my blog was already solidly on the map. Even when I stopped working as a Road Nurse, I kept the medical people readers who had been following those chronicles.

If you had been reading me for the last couple of years, you'd know that my blog survived even when I left it for a year for alcoholism treatment. When I resumed it again last year (after the year of non-blogging) I gained back my former readers and added new ones---BEFORE the big whine-fest up north.

Unlike so-and-so, I don't "seek" publicity nor do I cower behind being "politically correct" (nor do I wallow in crunchy granola). I'm am strictly myself. You hear me? Myself. I'm not in this for the base motives that you seem to think.

My regular readers mostly email me privately with their comments, especially lately, when they don't want to sully themselves by mingling with you and your ilk, who seem to be unable to stop expressing hatred, jealousy, and rage at me.

The thing about you Anonymouses is that you are so ignorant of who I really am and what I'm about. And you're especially ignorant of my motives and inspirations. Unlike my wonderfuly loyal friends, you have no earthly idea about the real me. (It's your loss.)

Vicki said...

First, I love your wild and crazy Fair Isle Socks. Second, I had to laugh when you wrote "on College Boulevard all the way from Quivera to Antioch Streets" which is just the opposite of what I would have used. Coming from Prairie Village, I would have said "on College Boulevard all the way from Antioch to Quivera Streets". Yes, I'm a neighbor sort of. I don't think we've ever met unless you've come to the Monday morning Sunflower Guild knitting sessions Anonymously.

I don't think I have commented on your blog before, but if I have I would have used 'Anonymous' because I just learned that 'name/url' meant that I could comment using my name.

Bo... said...

Thank you, Vicki! I haven't ever gone to one of those knitting sessions but it sounds so fun. I'm pretty shy, but maybe I will get up the nerve to go one day! I just looked it up on the internet to see the schedule---and I've checked out books in that library where the meetings are.

Maggie said...

Hi Bo, I love the fair Isle socks and do understand the traffic issues...glad the white subaru and your big truck did not tangle, glad no other vehicles got to close..too bad about the orange cones..yes, traffic lanes can be a bit tight for big trucks, the city streets were not designed with the idea that big trucks would run around on them...car manufacturers don't care---they are great pals with the oil guys and this way they both make loads of $$$...
I'm still knitting boring socks for the wonderful Marine son and sewing doll clothes..might get some quilt blocks set together and out of the drawer of unfinixhed sewing stuff..Maggie

Bo... said...

Thanks, Maggie!

Pat said...

Haha.. what fun! I love your great sense of humour. I have to say, I would love to run over those stupid orange posts too, if I was driving. Isn't that what they are for?

What idiots "Anonymii" are? Isn't that the word for a herd of YH's?? I don't blame them for not having enough gumption to show themselves -- I wouldn't do it either if I were to behave like them.

Macy from Buffalo, NY said...

OMG, Bo! I stop reading you for awhile because of a downward swing on MY mental health playground and you're dealing with THIS SH*T? Good grief!

They: #1 can't figure out that you AVOIDED a severe accident at an intersection by turning and rolling over some plastic orange cones instead of running over a PERSON, or #2 have no other purpose in life than to read YOUR blog & make nasty anonymous comments on it, or #3 get enough thrill out of getting a response from you that they keep coming back for more to feed their egos.

Sometimes I knit for relaxation & I read your blog for the same reason. I find your outlook entertaining in the face of some of the most difficult circumstances i.e. alcoholism in recovery, dealing w/ diabetes, in-laws in general, OCD, marriage, marriage to someone w/ mental health issues [on both sides, lol!]

I love your writing style; like Colin your writing makes me laugh, cry, think, & sometimes feel like there IS someone who understands this crazy world I live in.

I've read the Yarn Harlot's books & I've seen some of her appearance clips on YouTube. Those made me laugh too. I don't feel a connection with her or where she comes from outside of knitting, though, so I don't feel the need to read her blog. I don't feel any desire to write any sort of comments there either.

Like your socks, you have parts that are blended into a unique pattern. It's attractive, yet unusual. I've missed you & your mixed-up sort-of-life! Keep on writing! Scritch the kitties behind the ears for me too, please!

Bo... said...

Thank you, Macy & Pat!!

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

HAH! As a former Dodge Ram driver, I think little sh*ts like subarus seek us out and do things to vex and annoy. Napoleonic complex or some such thing.

Anonymous said...

So disappointed in you, Bo.

Bo... said...

I'm sure it won't be the first time.