Thursday, July 02, 2009
Conversation Between Bo and Blaine The Night Before Leaving For a Vacation in Texas to Celebrate the 4th of July At Bo's Mother's House:
(And also a Post-Canada Day message to Yarn Harlot!) * Blaine (sitting at the computer, thinking he is so smart): "Okay, Bo, I've printed out 4 different Yahoo Maps for the various routes we could take to your mother's house in Texas...." Bo (tired after scrubbing, for the umpteenth time, the ring-around-the-bathtub in Blaine's bathroom): "Did you finish the laundry? I've vaccumed the entire house, cleaned the bathrooms, wiped down all the appliances, and mopped the kitchen floor---I definitely DO NOT want to come back to a dirty house. Oh and thanks, sweety, for washing my horseback riding pants---I thought I'd lost them. They're so comfortable that I'm going to wear them for the trip in the car down to Texas. I love how they have that extra padding on the inside of the thighs..." Blaine (still jazzed about his computer adventures): "No, I haven't finished all the laundry yet, kitten--- I've still got the towels and the linens to wash. Uh...riding pants? Those are my thermal underwear pants, you idiot! And hey, you DID strip off the bed linens, didn't you?" Bo (looking at Blaine with the "death look", and definitely smarting with embarassment about the "riding pants" incident) (because she really DID think that they were her long lost horseback riding pants---where in the hell had they gone?...): "Yes, I did, Mr. Smarty-Pants. And may I add that your side of the bed looked quite dingy? I think you need to quit smoking---that brown "nicotine-ness" is leaking out of your pores." Blaine (laughing heartily, not realizing the danger he is dancing towards): "Quit smoking? Yeah RIGHT, Miss Priss! Why should I quit my bad "bed habits" when you won't quit yours? For example, I'm damn tired of your habitual snacking in bed at night---I actually find FOOD in the bed sometimes!" Bo (suddenly remembering...): "Oh, piffle! That stray saltine cracker was an... an accident." Blaine (guffawing....and Bo never likes it when Blaine guffaws...): "Stray saltine cracker? Hell Bo, I've woken up on top of heavily buttered and jellied English muffins before!" Bo (thinking to herself) : "....and the strange thing was, that poor little saltine cracker wasn't even broken. Huh. I must have slept like the dead that night..." Blaine (still stupidly happy about his stupid computer maps): "Okay, like I said, I've got several maps printed out. I want you to look at them so we can decide which route to take. On one route it's a straight shot down a State highway---but it winds all over the place, wasting about 3 hours of driving time going through National Parks and crap. But the other route---the one my buddy at work clued me in about--- is a more complicated route... but you get there quicker. You simply go down Highway 48 down through an Indian Reservation in Oklahoma, and then you make a detour at some place called 'Broken Arrow'.... or was it 'Little Big Horn?'..." Bo (losing patience and sighing heavily): "Listen, you idgit. The whole state of Oklahoma is an Indian Reservation! Why can't we stay on the damn Interstate? I don't want to go wandering down to Texas on a bunch of little-known back roads and camping trails that turn into dirt roads! We'll get lost for sure!" Blaine (saying typical male "famous last words"): "Don't worry about it, hon, I've got it ALL UNDER CONTROL...." Bo (REALLY losing patience now, since she can NEVER understand the American male's penchant for leaving the safe and straight Interstate Highway for the lure of "shorter" back roads, even though every damn time Blaine has left the Interstate he has screwed up the whole trip and they arrived at their destination 8 hours late and with 2 new dents on the vehicle...): "Under control? I'm not kidding here, Blaine! Most of Oklahoma is Indian Territory---a lot of them Cherokee. And they don't take kindly to stupid tourists acting like idiots on their land!" Blaine (again stupidly--- but this time stupidly confident): "But why should we worry, sweet potato? Your great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee Indian--- and thus you are legally part of the Cherokee Nation. Hell, you've got the ID card to prove it! If we got lost or something, all you'd have to do is show your Cherokee Nation identification card and somebody would have to help us, right?" Bo (suddenly TOTALLY repentent and sorry that she had carelessly changed purses last month---and had unfortunately not bothered to second check all the stray pieces of papers that she had left behind in the old purse---all because she had switched the bags impatiently because the old purse was an outdated Dooney & Bourke and she was anxious to sashay her sassy little self around Overland Park with her new Juicy Couture bag---the one with the 70's style "Peace Sign" on it...): "What do you think---that it's like a damn YMCA membership? I lOST THE DADGUM CARD YEARS AGO, STOOGE! And I'm blonde! Do I look like a dang Cherokee Indian to YOU?" Blaine: "Okay, okay. Don't get excited, puddin'. Just look at the maps I've printed out from the computer. They're very explicit about the routes to take through the not-so-populated areas. We'll be fine." Bo: "Yeah right, Blaine. That's what the two idiots said in the movie "Children of the Corn"....." Blaine: (unable to speak due to hysterical laughing....)> (And so, both Blaine and Bo hope to go have a very nice 4th of July Independence Day celebration at Bo's mother's house---and, incidentally, her mother has give her entire life to the service of the United States, retiring a few years ago from the US Foreign Service. (Bo's father died at a young age, 58, also retired from the service of the US Foreign Service....) (And, on the 4th of July, the USA's Independence Day's festivities, Bo is going to refrain from praising her country in the rude and asshole way that Yarn Harlot chose to praise her country on its Canada Day--- which was by taking unfair, snide swipes at America, comparing it unfavorably next to Canada. Bo does not feel it's necessary to praise her own country by making rude comparisons to Canada (or any other country). What is puzzling is that Yarn Harlot has made it a habit of taking pot-shots at the USA whenever she does a Canada Day post---and Bo suspects that YH does this deliberately, to "stir the pot" so to speak, to create controversy and generate publicity for herself---because Yarn Harlot is an intelligent person and is well aware of the possible impact her statements could make on patriotic Americans. ) (And I truly don't usually "focus" on Yarn Harlot so much, but she has really irked me this month.....) Anyway, you'd think that Yarn Harlot would be a little more careful about insulting patriotic Americans since 80% of her book sales and knitting income are generated in AMERICA--the country she apparently despises, as seen by her subtle anti-American "jests" and "quips". (And they may be "subtle", but they're negative all the same.) Bo does not believe in insulting another country--EVER. And Bo thinks one should be especially polite and courteous to one's bordering neighbors. Bo loves her own country purely and innocently, as the country of her birth and the place she calls "home"--- and she totally honors its military and diplomatic personnel who have kept her country safe and sacred---without feeling it necessary to criticize its neighbors, Canada or Mexico---or anybody else for that matter! Bo loves Canada and Mexico for their own wonderful merits! In fact, Bo loves all countries, cultures, and all the other kinds of people in the world---no matter what! HOWEVER.....in explanation of Bo's short fuse for Yarn Harlot's thoughtless anti-American comments: Bo lived overseas for most of her life before returning to America as a college student. She experienced much anti-Americanism throughout her life. In fact, Bo almost lost her life (and her mother's life) in Syria, in 1998, in an anti-American incident. It is a nightmare she relives, night after night, in her dreams.... no matter how much her dedicated therapist, Fred, attempts to remedy this sad fact. Bo has experienced so much anti-Americanism in other countries that she is, frankly, SICK TO DEATH of it. It dogged her family during Bo's entire upbringing years, while living in foreign countries. But what's a worse hurt to Bo than hearing Yarn Harlot make anti-American jokes is to hear her own countrymen, Americans, make anti-American comments, as some of Yarn Harlots American friends were encouraged to do by Yarn Harlot's thoughtless blog post on Canada Day! It hurts Bo TO THE CORE to hear Americans make anti-American remarks--no matter how much they feel that America's leaders have screwed up. Hey, America's leaders are only human--and they are imperfect and mistakes just like any other country's leaders' also have flaws and foibles. Bo feels so strongly about this, and she loves her country so much, that she is willing to write this post-- which may piss some people off! Please understand Bo's point of view. She was forced to live overseas all her life due to her parents' employment with the US government. And she missed her own country terribly during those years. And, she almost lost her own and her mother's life in an anti-American event, and thus, she values and cherishes her beloved country more than anything else in the world. She is VERY SENSITIVE to anything perceived as anti-Americanism---even in jest or disguised as a "joke". You hear that Yarn Harlot? You cannot toss around anti-American remarks as if they are fodder for your next knitting joke. And so, Yarn Harlot---don't ever again send me a rude message complaining about my taking you to task about your blog's thinly-veiled anti-American remarks on Canada Day. My 4th of July Day makes me proud to be an American without feeling it necessary to criticize anybody else's country---and I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you that the next time you choose to arrogantly criticize me for taking offense at your anti-American comments on your blog : TO GO TO HELL. AND, FURTHERMORE, YOU ARE HEREBY ASKED TO CEASE AND DESIST---TO STOP MAKING ANTI-AMERICAN REMARKS! Or I will get a posse to talk to your publishers and tell them that some of us Americans might not want to read any more of your books, you hear that? I can no longer stand idly by while you make jokes at the expense of the honor of the USA.